Trailing Partner - Challenges and Rewards

Imagine that the opportunity to move abroad presents itself; from your partners perspective it is a sensible move to make, however you, the trailing partner feel a mix of emotions; uncertainty, fear, excitement, anticipation and sadness at leaving loved ones and careers behind.

These mixed feelings are all part of the experience for those of us who trail our loved ones abroad. However for the majority the outcome is positive and the benefits usually outweigh the challenges.

Indeed this is what I told my husband the other evening when we were discussing our longer term future; a return home or continuing our life abroad. On the one hand the upheaval of another move really doesn't appeal but equally I am reluctant to go home. There are certain aspects of my life abroad that I love, and to be quite honest are now a part of who I am, a part of my new identity. I'm not sure that I'm ready to shake that off - well not just yet anyhow!

For someone trailing a partner to a new location, what exactly are the challenges that they
may face?

In relocating abroad you are going to be experiencing a complete change to your life and lifestyle. Initially this involves a move away from everything you know and perhaps love, to somewhere that is totally new and 'foreign' in every sense of that word. This is 'change' in its broadest sense and you need to be prepared to cope with the inevitable stress that this engenders.

Trailing partners often talk about the loss of their personal identity as they leave all the things that defined them back home; careers, community involvement, friends and family. Once their partners have embarked upon their new and often all absorbing career abroad and children have departed for school, there can be long stretches of time to kill "home alone". Of course this can be great initially especially following a full on hectic schedule back home and a busy moving period.

However, loneliness is one of the most often mentioned negatives of this new life abroad. New social networks take time to build. Getting to know the new language and being able to communicate effectively also takes time. If you intend to work it is also likely to take time to find an appropriate position. Perhaps due to visas and work permits this may not even be possible.

You may find the new culture difficult to understand and live within. Your partner may find adjustment to their new role challenging and stressful and their stresses may impact on home life. Your children may also find the transition uncomfortable and challenging which is often difficult to cope with as a parent.

So why on earth would you ever set out in the first place?

Because, for the majority the benefits of a life abroad far outweigh the impact of the challenging times.

An enforced career break such as a move abroad can, and has for thousands of trailing partners, provided the opportunity for introspection. Through the very challenges they face in their new lives abroad they learn much about themselves; their values, strengths and capabilities.

They talk of the confidence and the sense of independence that develops as they utilise their internal resources to cope with difficulties. The identification of a new life direction either through employment, a new business, studying, voluntary work or a combination of these, often results in a satisfying and rewarding second career.

The social networks that initially may be difficult to build are often ultimately extremely stimulating providing a wealth of cross cultural experience through a mix of international and local contacts and friends. Strong friendships are developed based on these shared experiences and these often last a lifetime

A new life abroad is an incredible education, providing the opportunity to learn so much about languages, cultures, history and geography. As one trailing partner said:

"I would not give up this life for anything, it is a full on voyage of discovery and challenge constantly for both of us"
(Yvonne McNulty, The Trailing Spouse Survey, 2005)

From a family perspective, for some the fact that the trailing partner is not working or working full-time, means that family life is calmer and there is more space and time to enjoy the children and participate and support their activities and interests. Of course the children benefit also from seeing life from different cultural perspectives and learning new languages, lessons that will endure for a lifetime.

And the news is good even for the relationship between partners, because it seems that for many, provided the relationship is built on solid foundations prior to a relocation the experience only serves to bring partners closer together strengthening the relationship over time.

So for now I am happy to stick with the expatriate life. I have never regretted once our decision to live abroad despite the ups and downs. It is a life of extremes in many ways and as with extreme sports, for me it has become somewhat addictive!

Feeling unsure about a relocation decision or somewhat lost abroad?

Louise Wiles; Success Abroad Coaching supports people relocating all over the world. Why not download her Free Report 'Six Move Abroad Challenges Most Expatriates Face and How to Overcome Them' and sign up for her monthly newsletter "Inspired Abroad" by going to www.SuccessAbroadCoaching.com.

Or contact Louise at: Louise (at) successabroadcoaching (dot)com