Expatriate Coaching and Culture Transition Challenges

Heather describes herself in a nutshell as short, happy, and loves meeting people! Heather grew up in New York (Manhattan) and feels so blessed to have spent much of her life traveling around the world, but also living, working and studying in four countries and two states in the US.

Heather's experiences living in other places put her in touch both with loneliness and frustration, but also with a great sense of accomplishment when she figured out the core steps she could use to make herself happy. By using those steps other times she moved, Heather was able to create a life she loved for herself, and to meet some wonderful people that helped her along the way.

One big turning point for Heather was with language. The first time Heather lived in France, though she spoke elementary French, she was often frustrated and very self-critical when she couldn't say basic words, like "chair", in French. She was also afraid to make language mistakes.

A turning point came for her when she dared to just speak, even if she made those mistakes - the words that came out in French weren't always correct, but she made those around her laugh pretty hard. So, she figured, making other people laugh is a good thing! After that, the French just rolled off her tongue, and she proceeded to learn four more languages.

As a Culture Transition Specialist , Heather works with people relocating internationally (Expats) and domestically (Relocating Professionals) and their trailing spouses/partners on the social, personal, and professional issues that often lead to feelings of loss, isolation and unhappiness after moving. This role felt like the perfect fit for her experience, and because she has been lucky to work with, and be friends with, so many Expats. All this together has helped her experience first-hand, and understand, the transition process that comes with relocation, and help others through this adjustment.

Expats Guide: Should expats prepare before transitioning to a foreign culture and how?

Heather: Yes, ideally, expats should prepare well in advance for this transition. They should be creating a foundation for themselves before they move so that after they relocate, the transition process goes much more smoothly than if they didn't. There are many steps they should be following, which I outline in my "Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World" program.

Here are a few ways an Expat can prepare - if they are moving to a country where a different language is spoken, they should begin learning that language as soon as possible. They don't have to be fluent upon arrival, but the more familiar they are with the language, the better they can communicate basic needs. Being able to do this can make a huge difference - instead of feeling like a child who can't speak, you can get your needs met, and your points across. It may not seem like a big deal, but think about being sick in a foreign country, and not being able to say what's wrong. Experiences like this are the ones that can either make you homesick and yearn to go back home, or leave you with a huge sense of accomplishment.

Another way they should prepare before relocating overseas is to get in touch with any expectations they have at home, which they won't be able to replicate. That could range from being able to find peanut butter (which isn't so easy in many places!) to exercise, to finding specific stores and beyond.

And, one of the pivotal steps in my program is about the need to make sure you create a network of contacts so that you have people to reach out to locally and with whom to form friendships.

Expats Guide: After arrival to the new country - What actions should expats take in order to feel comfortable in their new surroundings?

Heather: The best thing they can do is JUMP IN and TAKE ACTION. Even when they may feel bored, they should get out of the house and try to plug in with what's around them.

In my program, I mention that one of the best and easiest things to do this is to get familiar with their immediate surroundings. Once they have a familiar place to return to, and people that notice them, it helps a lot. Having that "someone here knows me" feeling goes a long way towards avoiding that feeling of isolation that can creep in.

Another really important action is to try not to compare everyone to "my friends back home". When you relocate overseas, and even domestically, people will inevitably be different, have different backgrounds, and perhaps different values and ideals. Expats should try to be accepting of these differences and begin new friendships by understanding and accepting that their new friends will NOT be like their best friends back home.

Expats Guide:Are there any differences between men and women in adjusting to a foreign country?

Heather: That's a loaded question! Personally, I think the answer to that depends on many variables. The way women and men are treated, or expected to dress in a different country would certainly have an impact on the adjustment process, and be different for a man and a woman. Especially if you move someplace where, say, a woman may be expected to be less opinionated, and more clothed, for example - this would definitely cause a very different adjustment experience for a woman than for a man. If you move someplace single, dating culture will be a big adjustment to learn about, and could be very different experience for a man and a woman. But, I think the biggest adjustment difference between men and women is actually for couples who move to a foreign country and change roles in their family. So, the more noticeable differences in the adjustment process for men and women are actually inside the family.

Here's what I mean - say a couple lives in California, they work, make a decent income, and feel equal in the relationship. Then one of them gets a great job offer in France and they relocate. In doing so, the other spouse gives up his or her employment. If it's the man that gave up his job, this can have a bigger impact, but I think even for a woman there is a common feeling - you used to feel like an equal, and now you are financially dependent on your spouse. And, if your job was your identity, who are you now? This brings in all kinds of personal and professional challenges that end up having an impact on how well you adjust to a new country. In addition to changing roles, the Trailing Spouse doesn't have the advantage of a new job where they might meet new friends, or at least have someone to talk to and be with every day.

So, to answer your question more directly, while I do think the adjustment process can be different between men and women, I think the bigger impact is related more to personality, location, and role change. If you're outgoing, open to trying new things, and can shift your expectations, your adjustment process will be easier than someone who is naturally shy, or doesn't like change. And that's the same whether you are a man, or a woman.

Expats Guide: Please describe the culture transition coaching process and explain how it is done - via phone, Mails, etc'?

Heather: The expatriate coaching process starts with understanding which areas are of most importance for a client to focus on. That could be making friends, it could be adjusting to work, etc. It could also be that they have many different areas they want to focus on at once, so we'd want to prioritize the list. Once we understand that, we can look at what's in the way of them having their ideal life, and put together a plan for them to create it, which would be based on them taking conscious steps towards their goals.

The expatriate coaching can be done several ways. You can use my "Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World" program and implement the steps that apply to the individual. I also have several eBooks in the works, so that will be another way to focus on a specific area (social, personal, professional), have access to action guides, and put them to use.

For a client wanting more individualized attention, I offer expatriate coaching by phone with email touch-points in between. I'll also be putting together a group coaching program so that clients get attention from me, and they can form a close-knit community of peers going through the same transition. Also in development are live workshops, for those wanting a face-to-face experience.

Expats Guide: On your website you talk about shadow coaching - Could you please clarify the concept and explain who can benefit from it?

Heather: Shadow coaching is geared towards businesses. This is about bridging the gap between an employee or employee/manager who experience conflict because of their different cultural upbringings. The easiest and most mainstream way I can explain this is - if you know the show "Supernanny", or "Nanny 911" - the nanny comes to a family's home, and observes them interact, and then works with them to point out their behaviors and the impact of those behaviors, so they can build more harmony at home. This is the basic concept of shadow coaching - spending a day "shadowing" them by literally following them around, watching how the employees interact, and then reflecting back their behaviors, and developing solutions to the biggest problems that we notice.

Those that can benefit from shadow coaching are employers and employees who are of different countries and cultures, and find themselves at conflict a good deal of the time. Another set of people that can benefit are teams of employees who are all from different cultures and countries, and perhaps don't get along, or can't finish projects because of their different approaches to getting things done. The shadow coaching offers them an objective chance to understand what is causing the conflict, and then develop ways to manage, and overcome it, to ultimately create a more harmonious relationship at work. It presumes, of course, that there is a desire and willingness to overcome differences and build a more positive relationship.

Expats Guide: Please elaborate a little about the program "Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World"

Heather: Sure. This is where I lay out an overview of the core concepts that any Expat needs to have or put into place to be able to create a life they are happy with when they relocate. In it, I lay out each step and provide actions, and an action guide, so that everything can be quickly and easily implemented. The result of following these steps is for an Expat to feel at home in a new place, and establish a life they're happy with. It helps them to understand the basic foundation that has to be in place in order to have a successful overseas relocation experience.

It was developed both from my own personal experience, as well as interviews with Expats and spouses to understand what's really at the heart of making a relocation work. The program is perfect for any Expat who is moving in the next several months, even year. However, it also works for Expats who have already relocated and are in what I like to refer to as the "now what phase". This is where you find yourself with the boxes unpacked, the bank account set up, and you realize your life consists of going to work and coming home, but you lack a social network, activities you love, etc. So, you can pick up the program before, or after you move. And - it comes with some excellent bonus products that reinforce everything you'll learn!

Expats Guide: Any final suggestions ?

Heather: Yes, several. An Expat can greatly simplify the transition by remembering several things:

1. Adapt to your new surroundings, and the customs of that country whenever possible
2. Be open to new experiences - food, people, places - the more open-minded you are, the more you will be welcomed into a new culture
3. Don't expect the people, activities, stores, etc to be carbon copies of everything back home
4. No matter how hard some days may seem, make sure to get outside your house or apartment. Isolating yourself at home can lead to depression. So, make every effort to get out, even if it's just for a walk - you need to connect with the world around you.

Expats Guide: Thank you Heather for an interesting and enriching interview.

More about Heather Markel, expatriate coaching, and the learn to feel at home anywhere in the world program can be found here.